Here I am  …. on the eve of another New Year. Good-bye 2014 and Welcome 2015.

It’s been a long, long time since I felt any desire or pressure to have special plans on this night. And this one, I will spend quietly with Sarah. We talked about going to a movie and did some planning toward that end but decided in the end to find something on SOD. Easier, cheaper, more comfortable, and this way I get to drink champagne while we watch!

I recall the first New Year’s Eve I spent with Bill in 1994. As we wandered around downtown Miami, taking part in some latino festival, I told him that I had never before spent the night of December 31st with someone I loved. That evening – and those feelings – seem so long ago that they could have taken place in a different life, or be something I read in a novel. I have other New Year’s Eve memories but they are all rather vague compared with the one of 1994. It does seem to me that it’s a time to spend with someone we love, so I’m delighted to be spending this one with my lovely 17 year old daughter. I know she would rather be at a party with friends. That day will come.

I’m interested in that feeling of detachment we feel from our own memories. Why should that be? Is it because we change so much as we age that we can’t relate to our younger selves, and the memories we make? If so, what a pity. Detachment can bring perspective, but it brings in analysis, questioning and criticism as well. If only we could just swim in our memories and enjoy them as we did at the time we made them, rather than feeling this long-distance relationship with them.

When I think of my 60 years of living and all people and places, jobs and residences that reside in my memory I realize there are many periods that I hardy ever revisit. Neglected and un-dusted, they sit on a shelf and only occasionally do I wander in to glance at them and pass on. Are we meant to hoard and savour our memories, or just stand in the current of life and let it float past, capturing the occasional bit of flotsam to examine? Well … all this is tending to naval-gazing in the extreme. And because I’m pressed for time (we have a movie to watch!) I can’t labour over the language and express my feelings as fully as I would like. Fortunately I’m only writing for myself and a limited (and I hope loving) audience. For the record, my ramblings are not champagne-inspired (the bottle is still corked) but the musings of a thoughtful mind, poised on the brink of a New Year. May it be joyous and blessed!

If only that would work to dispel the rain that has been such a constant feature of this Spring of 2012 on the West Coast of Canada. It has become so tiresome to wake up to one cloudy, cool and (often) rainy day after another. Where is the beautiful Spring we brag about to everyone who lives anywhere else on the middle, eastern and northern parts of North America? We refrain from bragging when we speak with those who live in California, Florida and other sunny places but otherwise we are pretty smug about our climate. This year, there is nothing to be smug about. Nothing!

But on a brighter note, the flowering trees are all in blossom – cherries, plums, magnolias – tulips and daffodils are standing up, colourful and proud, and most deciduous trees are wearing  a gauzy green outline on their branches, in advance of the canopy that will unfurl in the weeks to come. And I mustn’t forget forsythia, which isn’t my favourite shrub by a long shot but it does blaze forth early in spring, no matter how wet it is or how cool.

If only the rain would give me a decent interval in which to work, I would get out in my garden and get busy – adding soil, filling my containers, cleaning up the bits and pieces of dead foliage that linger or were blown into our yard by the many windstorms we have had this Spring. If only! Meanwhile, I’m going to go to the local garden shop today to buy some annuals; the forecast is showing that Saturday will by cloudy … but at least it won’t be raining. But is it too much to ask for some sunshine? Apparently it is!

Good old Fred Rogers. Owen (bro-in-law) used to say he would rather have his kids watch Freddy Kreuger than Fred Rogers. Why, I wonder? Doesn’t Mr. Rogers represent everything wholesome and gentle with the added bonus of teaching them about the safe and wonderful world around them? (Okay, its not always a safe and wonderful world but in his neighbourhood no harm could befall you.) Don’t we long for that for our children, even if its a temporary state? Sure, they have to learn at some point that there is no tooth fairy or Santa Claus … and there is no S & W world waiting to welcome them. Anyway, I’ll take cardigans over the clawed hand of Freddy every time. One of these days I’ll ask Owen to do a guest post and explain his reasons.

It really is beautiful outside, with about an inch of snow on the ground and the sun shining with all his might. (Walrus and the Carpenter). Vancouver gets so little snow in a year but its a treat when we do and it often comes with sunny weather – which is almost as rare as snow during our winter. Yesterday my Sarah came down the stairs and walked toward the kitchen. We were having the identical day to this one so she had to shield her eyes from the brilliant sunshine coming in our south windows. “Oooo its so bright”, she said.”It hurts my eyes”. The day had begun for Little Miss Negative. Her Dad and I exchanged a glance and a smile. She’s at the age and stage when ‘seldom is heard an encouraging word’. She earned the nickname Mona this past spring when the two of us were in Italy with Stephen. And we didn’t mean Mona Lisa. We meant Moan-a. I know she’ll get through this but in the meantime we get to hear about the underside of every thing; every silver lining has a black cloud within that’s just waiting to dump its load on you. Ahhhh, the teen years.

and there’s nothing I like more! As proof, you could step inside my sewing room/den and see how many projects I have begun and then set aside in the face of daily tasks and responsibilities or … another new beginning! There! I’ve confessed to a fault. This site will be a chance to enumerate them and then say ‘pooh, who cares?’ or – in the immortal words of Scarlet O’Hara – “I just won’t think about that right now”. Although I do care about my faults, the way to change doesn’t travel through the country of self-flagellation. There! I used a big word. That’s another thing I like, is the English language and the way it is so flexible and descriptive. Although I have great respect for other languages and would love to become conversant in French and Spanish, I do love my native tongue. Time is the main obstacle; where can I find the time for all I wish and hope to do? “But at my back I always here, time’s wing-ed chariot drawing near.” There! I used a poetic quote, which is another passion of mine. I have memorized a few poems and am in the midst of learning a few more, such as The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert Service. That one is taking more time than I expected. Others on the list are The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee and Two Little Clouds, which my mother could recite by heart. There! I mentioned my family who are very important to me. My mother left us in 2009 but my father, Frank, is still enriching our lives. I have 4 siblings, 4 in-laws, 4 nieces, 6 nephews and (drum roll…) a husband, Bill, and 3 children. Stephen is 25 and doing his Master’s degree in Finland, while Daniel and Sarah are 15 and 14 and are students at WPGA. I’m very blessed. And that’s just my side of the family! I am also blessed with wonderful parents-in-law and a host of interesting and caring  relatives through Bill. And I have many cherished friends. You Know Who You Are!  My life has been made whole and stimulating by the many people who populate it and I’m grateful for them all. Deeply grateful.

Disclaimer: This Blog is primarily for me, my family and my friends. If you have come here, you are very welcome to read, comment, and return. But there is nothing here but me – the whole me and nothing but me. I’m living an ordinary life and trying to live it well, so as to have no regrets and no enemies. And … I want to serve God so I hope you will understand that with me, you will also get the occasional dose of Him.